A Publication of the ORTHODOX CHRISTIAN LAITY
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| Volume 6 Number 38 - Tuesday, September 21st, 2004 |
A Publication of the ORTHODOX CHRISTIAN LAITY |
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Parental Podvig 101 Once upon a time, a naive, expectant mother, observed the parish toddlers during service. She vowed to herself that HER children would "never" behave like THAT in church! HER children would be "perfect"! Well! The last laugh was upon her- or I should say "me"... a consequence for pride and judging others, no doubt! I was a new mother when I first heard the word "podvig". At the end of Divine Liturgy, the little babushkas would totter over, pat my little darling's head, kiss my cheeks, and mutter the word "podvig" (with a knowing smile)! For the longest time I "thought" the Russian word podvig "meant" children! Podvig actually means spiritual struggle, or endurance. And yes, bringing children to church IS a marathon of spiritual podvigs. The thought passes through all parents' minds occasionally, that bringing our infants and toddlers, to church this young, is perhaps, pointless. We seem to "miss out" most of the service in caring for them. Please let me reassure you, that it IS very important to bring our toddlers to church! Their little souls NEED Holy Communion. Let them soak up the music, the icons, the incense, the peace and the prayer. On a spiritual level, children instinctively "know" that church is special. Church is certainly never dull with a toddler! For example, our 2 year old daughter would bellow "JUUUUUICE" at the top of her lungs during the Great Entrance! Our 2 year old son used to roll around on the floor, gaze defiantly at me, and smile coyly at the babushkas, melting them all into one adoring, collective puddle. They would scold ME if I then tried to make him sit or stand properly. "No! He's gooood boy!" And he was! He just wasn't doing what I "thought" he SHOULD be doing. However, he was quiet, and not hurting anything. The babushkas taught me something new that day! My expectations were sometimes way too high. Children WILL do the unexpected, and this IS okay! For children at church, the unexpected IS the expected. Once we as new parents can accept that, it makes everything easier. Let "it" go! When children become fussy or a noisy distraction to others during service, do please, change your location, so others are not disturbed. This is very important! Learn to anticipate your child's reactions. Their attention span is quite short. Recruit their godparents if they are available (not in the choir) to help spell you off, as it can help lighten the load. A whole Vigil service is certainly too much for toddlers, and it will cut into their regular bed time. Perhaps you could try visiting for just a little while, during the first half of Vigil, and leave after the Gospel Reading. When they're older, try coming to evening service about an hour or so into Vigil, and you'll probably arrive AT the Gospel. This is one way for them to get use to service... a little bit at a time. It is more important to come for all of Liturgy if possible. Too many children are brought in only at Communion by well-meaning parents. The children in turn, don't understand "what" is going on. One moment they're in their own familiar surroundings, and the next moment they're face to face with "a stranger," who is trying to put something into their mouth! No wonder they will "make strange" with the priest, then squirm and flail, endangering the "Gifts." Children love to venerate the icons and "help" light the candles. My husband's goddaughter Anysia, who is 2, loves to kiss "Koko Mary" (The Theotokos and Baby Jesus.) Infants and toddlers recognize and love church for what it is. Bring them as often as you can! As a parent, we are responsible for, and will have to give account one day, for our children's spiritual education. From birth until about 3 or 4 years of age, it WILL be a "podvig" at church. Bite the bullet and bring them anyway. Once at church, a sympathetic soul whispered to me (when I was ready to tear my hair out), "Today you have acquired more gems for your Heavenly Crown!" That sobered me up. As I tossed my teething son back to my husband who in turn, tossed to me our vocal daughter, I pictured myself in heaven, sporting a neck-brace to support the weight of ALL those gems on my Crown! (I should be so blessed!) When the children are older there will be parental podvigs of a different sort, in getting them TO church! But, for now, let's take one podvig at a time. It is "now" that we can bring them to church, before they learn to expertly wield the "no" word. Be pleasantly consistent, matter-of-fact, and "it's the thing we do" with them. Later on, in their teens, they will be making these decisions and choices for themselves. In retrospect, you will KNOW you DID all in your power as a parent, in bringing them to church. There will be no regrets, or "if only's". You will be content that even if they might not come very often to church now, as teenagers, or young adults, that this is only a temporary issue, a "control thing" or "habit" on their part. Even "cradle Orthodox" need to "convert" to Orthodoxy! Love them, love them as they are "now"! Your parental podvig was never in vain, Glory to God! Deep down, in their teenage, or young adult heart of hearts, their souls really do KNOW the Truth, and they WILL find their way back Home.
Matushka Barbara
Bruce
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